“Growing up mentally...”

A recent inspiring story I read showcased a question of “What’s the difference between “Growing Old” & “Growing Up?”, The question triggered a thought and inspired and idea to share on the concept of “Growing Up.. Mentally”

As I read in the story which said any one can grow old … even when we do not do anything we shall grow old that’s biological… very true indeed. I would say, Growing up mentally has its very own criteria and it takes much effort and experience to “grow up mentally”…

How could we categorize a person is mentally a grown up? Well the following can be a set of criteria to understand the mental growth of an individual as the criteria addresses the characteristics of a mentally grown up individual from a psychological perspective

A person may be considered as mentally grown up when is capable of understanding an issue or a matter at a very broad perspective or has the ability to see the big picture of an issue. This is the ability to see or think beyond their personal mental frame which consists of their personal belief, understanding, teachings, thoughts and feelings

A mentally grown up will be able to conceptualize a complex issue or matter, the ability to conceptualize comes from an alert mind which could absorb, understand, organize and segmentize distorted information’s this indicates a matured mind functioning i.e. a mentally grown up mind

The ability to think soundly without the influence of personal feelings and emotions also indicates mental growth as it indicates that the person could separate their personal and general values on an issue, hence bringing forth a neutral opinion with consideration of the complexity and diversity related to the issue

Ability to cope with mental stress with positivity is perhaps a hallmark of mental growth as today many seems to break down at this point where when battered with loads of stress, tendency to burn out or break down is high and a mind which is encapsulated with negativity is sure far away from a mentally grown up category

The ability to balance both emotions and feelings with logic or rationality is another set of concrete criteria of a person’s mental maturity, when a person can justify matters based on a balanced mind between the emotional quotient (EQ) and the intelligent quotient (IQ) it proves that they are mentally well grown to a matured and sound minded individual!

It should be understood that the said criteria’s need not to have any correlation with the physical age as mental growth or in other words mental maturity lies purely factors such as education, life experience, peer & family or significant others influence, religious teachings & so forth rather than the biological growth of the physical body. This explains why we have very matured young individuals and also immature elder person among us

Importance should be given in parenting to allow mental growth among adolescents, ways should be paved for the young minds to grow through providing the opportunity to learn through experience, hands on learning and cognitive reasoning’s, this is to ensure that the young minds grows gradually towards a matured mind or a “mentally grown up” whom would be able to lead their life & society with much effectiveness & capability in addressing issues & making decisions.     

   Suren

"Too cosy makes it too Lazy"

Reflecting from a story which the summary of it is a boy intending to help a butterfly out from its cocoon, teared out the cocoon to ease the butterfly’s exit but his good intention has caused the butterfly to permanently loss its ability to fly as it did not stretch its wings to break the cocoon which actually strengthens its wings to make it fly ….

Similar it is with the children and youths today, parents seem to be overprotecting and pampering them by providing all luxuries and comfort to ensure they are raised at their best. By doing this the parents expect their children to appreciate them and focus and developing in life …

Well the reality of it is by pampering so, parents are in fact are doing more of damage than good, the impact of such pampering results in teenagers begin to take life for granted, they develop the inability to understand the hardship involved in getting even a tiny luxury, eventually this situation develops a mind-set which would not take “No” for an answer

Over pampering also hinders opportunity to experiences in life among the adolescents, experiences in life are the greatest teacher a person could get and this would pave the way to mental maturity but this becomes futile by the pampering and over protecting by parents

Many parents today provide all comfort to their kids and expect them to behave maturely and appreciate life by having the feeling of gratitude towards them but unfortunately this same parents have never provided the opportunity for their kids to see nor feel the hardship they go through thus the feeling of gratitude is far from reach amongst adolescents

It is a natural feeling and responsibility for a parent to ensure their child has the best but then again the responsibility to enable their children to think maturely, appreciate life and able to handle life in any condition also lies on the shoulders of the parent. These skills will only be acquired when the kids are exposed and educated on the realities of life

I am not generalizing all parents through this article but looking at the majority of adolescent’s today, it worries that many seem to be of such with the best intention for their kids just like the boy at the opening of the article, but the victims of such compassion are surely their kids when they are incapable of acting maturely nor being incapable of handling difficulty, this shall cause them loads of misery in their future. The alarming issue is that today we are having young minds which could hardly think, hardly articulate, or even state an opinion as a result of being highly secured or in exposed to experiences ….

Coming through a teenage hood which enabled me to do umpteen jobs, meeting numerous people, handling vast situations and facing many challenges has enabled me to develop into a person of some capabilities today, it gave me the opportunity to acquire the essential soft skills in life, the ability to observe and learn from various experiences are surely gems in life! The following are a few of my journey in life which I regret not an inch as it makes me whom I am today!

Thanks to my parents who gave me the freedom and opportunity to handle life through my very own experience, they have been there when I fell but they had never held my hand too tight to ensure my step was firm …..

Lets ensure kids today are given all the opportunity to become great Individuals tomorrow … Kindly do share with new & current parents whom are raising their kids!

A glimpse of my journey from 13 to the current all along growing up, studying and experiencing life …

• Sold Nasi Lemak at morning market
• Dish washer cum waiter at night stall
• Beverage maker at restaurant
• Assistant in odd jobs like plumbing, wiring, cementing floor, cleaner services
• Door to door salesman
• Promoter in apparel department 
• Shopping Mall Promoter in household department
• Roti Canai Maker
• Waiter at Japanese e Sushi Restaurant
• Sales assistant in book store
• Cinema ticket seller
• Bar tender  
• Customer care officer at call centre
• Civil defence volunteer
• Master of ceremony at functions
• Assistant Director in the International Affairs & Cooperation
•  

And today a “counsellor” which is rather a noble profession leading towards inspiring many!!!

Suren

 Pic source : Bing 

“Happiness Confusion” By Suren

 Happiness is a wanting of everyone, there would never be a person who is against being happy yet many fail to realize that happiness is very abstract and complicated, Happiness is so abstract and complicated that it is often confused with many other matters.

Happiness is often been associated with materialistic means such as a luxurious house, a posh car or motorcycle, costly jewels, exquisite possession’s and so forth.

Happiness is also associated with fame where being fam

ous is often miss regarded of being happy with a great name, being showcased on televisions and other prime time medias, known by many, possessing umpteen medals and awards etc.

Many associate happiness with wealth where possessing loads of money and the ability of being lavish is often regarded as being happy

Is it true that being posh, rich and famous is equivalent of being happy?

Well if that’s case ... Children can be regarded as the happiest people around wherever on earth doesn’t seem to be affiliated with any of the above qualities. Also looking at great individuals in the world whom were happy with what they did such as Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi or the great Tamil Poet Bharathi, Aristottle, Plato etc. Didn’t seem to fit the above qualities moreover there are person whom were associated with the above said qualities who never indicated of being happy but rather miseries such as Adolf Hitler, Sadam Hussein etc.

So we do have some examples which detaches happiness with luxury, fame and possessions, lets look at a few more logic related to it; Happiness is a state of being worry free and having the peace of mind but if the logic is detailed down, doesn’t possessions, luxuries and fame creates the burden, commitment and worry through the fear of losing them?

Many fail to realize that happiness is a blissful feeling attained with inner peace but this feeling is buried deep down under many layers of other matters such as luxury, wealth, pleasures, possessions etc. These layers are like thin a glass which illuminates the deep buried happiness but they aren’t the real happiness but rather only a delusion.

One has to break free from all these delusion and free themselves from the mislead teachings of the society which associates happiness with physical materials, posh luxuries and fake fames, the very same society has also associated a desire free life with being incompetent and poverty which is totally wrong.

True happiness is something possessed with a high price and it is an abstract matter which can never be judged by one individual to another, A hungry man would be truly happy with a piece of bread and a rich man would be happy when he saves his possession’s from a thief now which happiness is greater ? One satisfies the hunger from within and the latter satisfies the fear from within.

 There are minor matters in life which instils true happiness such as being a kid at times, playing hide and seek with a little one, having a child, seeing a smile, catching a butterfly etc. it doesn’t have to be a million dollar possession to make a person happy.

Happiness should not be a victim of misconception with wealth or fame but rather should be addressed with justice and fairness free from societal norms or a third party’s view, simple questions with genuine answers would make it possible to identify happiness such as ;

What makes you happy? What is that thing which when you do you tend to forget the entire world? What is that which makes you feel so glad and accomplished, what is that which makes you, you?

Answer these questions truly and get on doing the answer derived to be happy and go easy on chasing the wealth and fame forced by the world!

 “When a guy bus a Ferrari, inherits a great possession but at the same time he loses his peace of mind the moment he parks it out of his sight ….”   

Suren

“The Truth about Troubles” ….. By suren

Troubles !! Often seems to be like the end of our life when it comes! Sometimes we associate it with luck where we claim ourselves less fortunate than others; also we tend to judge the world or God to be unfair for us having all the troubles!  As a whole these tendencies tends to happen due to our very own action of binding troubles with “NEGATIVITY” very firmly resulting to all the earlier said state or situation. Being negative when troubled, we often fail to look at certain truths about trouble which are rather attached to the “POSITIVE” aspect of the troubles itself. The following are a few truths about troubles based on the positive aspects;

1 Troubles are the opportunity to learn in life

Troubles often offer the most memorable “experience in life” which educates us as individuals to make wise decisions, predictions & justifications.

   Troubles shapes us into who we are

Individuals are similar to clay and it takes efforts to shape us into whom we are. Troubles often inculcate the maturity, patience and umpteen amounts of values which beautifully shapes us into who we can become to the fullest.

3 Troubles provides the opportunity to know who are our true friends & family are

Going through troubles many had identified who are the true friends who stay faithful in thick and thin as unfaithful ones seems to disappear when we are in rough waters. Troubles functions as strainers in life to strain out the unworthy out of our lives. 

4 Troubles provides opportunities to change or innovate

A prick in the feet by thorns would have inspired someone to invent what we call shoes or slippers today, thanks to the “thorns” today we save our feet from further dangers, so it is with life, when faced with troubles we may tend to change for the better or at times innovate something for the better. 

   Troubles makes life interesting & thrilling

Picture a life which is all so complete and good without any trouble, any mischief, any issues…. Would it be nice? Does it have anything to learn from it? Well a life of such would be good but where would be the fun of living? There aren’t any thrills and lessons and interest in life of such, troubles makes life interesting, fun and thrill as we would only learn, appreciate, make decisions, amend or repent when trouble arises in life.

6   There are no trouble without a solution

Negative individuals often look at troubles as something beyond repair and or as a doomsday but whereas in reality there is no such a trouble without a solution, it is just that the solution may or may not be in favour for the self! This is the fact many fail to accept and often tends take negativity as an option…

     Troubles often doesn’t exceed beyond our capability to solve

Another reality many fail to accept is that there isn’t any trouble which would grow beyond the capability of one to solve, the worst would be a person may need the perspective or the intervention of a third party with the efforts of the self still, being so there isn’t a situation where one would have troubles beyond the capability of the self! In simple words, the one who messes it up would surely be able to clear it up; what matters is only how impactful it would be to the self or others…

The said may be a few positive aspects of trouble, perhaps there are many more which we fail to see as a result of being caught in the negative mental frame. As individuals we are prone to take the negative side in life but the truth, reality and practicality always lies in the positive side. Thus taking sides are crucial in this aspect. It may be wise to conclude that life is a learning process; troubles are exercise’s we are ought to take to know & enhance our capacity as human beings so accept troubles in a positive way to ensure we come out shaped beautifully just like a rock withstanding the sculptor’s chisel makes a great sculpture…. 

Suren    

“Violence on the rise..”

By Suren

Newspapers today seem to report acts of violence consistently. Acts of violence is slowly becoming a norm among the society we live in. Murder’s, Robbery which involves stabbing, hitting or causing hurt, slaughtering, brutal rapes and gruesome killings are all seems to be rather common these days then it was some time ago

Many fail to address this high rise of violence but rather only seek protection from it, hoping and praying that it doesn’t’ happen to them instead of finding the root cause and curbing it from happening. Violence is not a genetic or biological deficiency which is rather complex in treating or curbing like some other social issues we face which is associated with. Violence rather needs a clear understanding over what it is and what contributes to it, these basic facts would pave the knowledge to curb it

As for the definition, Violence means (1) behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something (2) strength of emotion or of a destructive natural force  

Since the definition is self-explanatory, factors for violence are rather more crucial, Violence can be reasoned by various factors but it can be clustered to few aspects such as;

Personality

Individuals who have been victims of violence such as child abuse, bully, assaults or such or those who had violence as part of their environment at their growth phase are rather prone to behave violently as they mature resulting to repeating child abuse, domestic violence, assault or brutality or even gangsterism.

The greed for power and wealth are also a factor which pushes individuals to levels where violence may be seen as a tool rather than a danger. Individuals of such may tend to use violence to rob, extort, make way or indoctrinate certain ideologies for their personal gains and benefits. 

Education

Proper education and childhood are the crucial investment to sustain the society in future, when education becomes an impossible task, the ability to justify good and bad is in ambiguity among adolescent’s thus making them fragile to the environmental influences which are rather in the form of “survival of the fittest” these days in the competitive world of ours. Together lack of education from both the family and the society contributes to increases the tendency of lads becoming violent

Economy

Economy doesn’t only reflect incomes and losses, economic instability very much contributes to poverty and poverty could be the driving force towards violence for certain individuals who struggle towards earning a living to make ends meet, the economic instability once again affirms the destructive philosophy of “survival of the fittest” causes individuals of such resorting to violence to survive the economic impact by robbing, murdering, extorting etc..

Environmental

Environmental factors are also the contributors in violence as it is mentioned there are various reasons for violence and it can be clustered into a few categories, thus environmental factors consist of many minor factors such as;

Technology influence

Technology development today is so rapid that we tend to be left out in the matter of days, as good as it is, this also creates many hidden impacts such as the increase of violence based games which is picked up by young children, war and hit men alike games teaches young minds on killing, using of weapons, other games like the angry granny transfers the message of “violence and brutality” is fun. It may sound mere but these are the silent indoctrination which we allow to happen masked by the technological development, ask a kid who is gaming on their parents i-pad how many person have they “killed” or “hit” in the game, it may not be alarming but do we substitute the inaccurate message they receive with the accurate ones ? Do we have the time to explain to young minds that violence and brutality is not right?  

Other environmental factor would be the media and the movies  

Media is also a minor reason for violence to exist more fervently. The highlights given by the media on violence commonly fails to show the negative impact but rather it creates the sensation of being violent and its achievements. These may become a subliminal message affirming violence as a common matter in the society. The media should play the role in providing the information to curb the violence menace rather than highlighting violence and increasing the awareness to avoid violence purely

A movie to date tends to have lavish elements of violence and aggression transpiring the message of violence is a tool to survive. Movies are very influential among the adolescents who fail to differ between reality and on screen scenes where never do they understood the violence in movies are in fact an perpetuated act done with the assistance of professionals. They tend to pick fights and portray similar violence in order to show power or impress others not minding the negative impact of it which never shown in many of the movies.

Moral value inculcation

With the umpteen exposure and factors lurking in the society which leads to violence, the only alternative we tend to have is the moral value inculcation, every parent, teacher, religious teachers, leaders, or whoever in the capability to educate the young minds should take up moral value inculcation as a social responsibility. Adolescents should be educated and inculcated with values appreciating peace and harmony, social tolerance and unity, aggression be it in any form should be made understood as a wrong approach to anything in life.  

We have all seen the impact of violence on the rise, if not curbed in time; violence may be embedded as a culture of our nation resulting to life in fear and unrest forever. Thus by realizing the impact and understanding the factors we should all take it up to curd and extinguish violence to ensure a nation of peace and harmony

“Hard Truths …..” by suren

People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness - Albert Ellis

We are all ought to get upset, worked up, disappointed in life, it is rather common to experience so. But how many of us realize that major contributions to such trouble are often our very own self? It may be a bitter pill but like it a not swallowing it is a must, Most of us tend to go through disappointment due to the way we think, there are two ways of thinking which results to our very own predicaments which are (1) thinking negatively

Negative thinking results to sinking into a deep slumber of comfort from self-sympathy which keeps us sound and idle without any progress. A negative thinker would never want to reinstate the self to a better condition but rather enjoys keeping the self in a bad state and enjoys complaining about it, Thinkers of such tends to look at the dark or bad side of things surrounding them, be it in a relationship, work or basically anything around them causing them to only loose more in life which reaffirms their negative thoughts again and again. Negative thinking works like a quicksand, the more you are in it, the more it pulls you in.

The other thinking which results in disappointment is (2) Irrational thinking, Irrational thinkers are selfish thinkers by nature, they tend to judge and think based only on what they believe or assume, be it right or wrong.  These are often individuals who set their very own beliefs and rely on it in making their decisions and assumptions. When their belief is based on negativity then the decisions or assumptions revolving around it would also be negative resulting to disappointment yet irrational thinkers would go to great heights justifying their beliefs

Both negative and irrational thinking are the primary reasons for men face disappointments. It’s a hard truth that many debate with a common statement of “Why would I want to create disappointments for myself?”.. This question sounds extremely logical but it is still a truth that “men upset’s himself” simply because the way we think, it is influenced by many factors and the worst is that the mind is so fragile towards negativity… And the answer for the smart question earlier would be “The mind works in accordance to the subconscious mind compared to the conscious mind” a hard truth

In simpler words, we are ought to be upset or disappointed due to the way we think, when we think negatively or irrationally, we tend to make the wrong decisions and assumptions which thereafter influences our actions causing disappointments as an end result compared to the expectation we have, which is often positive and logical (based on consciousness) yet what we get in life is strongly determined by our subconscious mind which can easily be negative

One should alter their mind-set i.e. thinking to ensure that what they attract in life are inline in what they truly desire, both the conscious and subconscious mind should be aligned accordingly towards what is truly desired only then achievements can be attained through the mind, many of us fail in life due to this simple mistake

Have a check over the following reasons for disappointments, does it ring a bell? They are all based from negative or irrational thinking;

-          “It’s my fate to be unhappy” (Negative Thinking)

-          “I should be happier than him / her” (Irrational Thinking)

-          “Everyone else has a better life than me” (Negative Thinking)

-          “For all I have done, I must be happy” (Irrational Thinking)

-          “All I do will surely turn out to be a failure” (Negative Thinking)

-          “Others should follow me because what I say is totally right” (Irrational thinking)

-          “No one will understand and be able to help me” (Negative Thinking)

-          “When I do everything right, everything will be alright (Irrational Thinking)

-          “I am always unlucky in life” (Negative Thinking)

-          “ I must / should be happy all the time in life” (Irrational thinking)

It’s normal to have some amount of negative & irrational thinking in life as human being’s but what matters is that it should not dominate or influence the mind, If one realizes that they had been ruled by these negative or irrational thoughts then the realization of it should be followed with a great change of the mind-set. This is a change towards positivism

Life is too short to be ruined with disappointments, with positive thinking; life can take a great ride towards being meaningful, fun filled and peaceful

 “When we are aware of our weaknesses or negative tendencies, we open the opportunity to work on them.”- Allan Lokos

“Judging Right’s & Wrong’s” …..

Right’s & Wrongs are the favorite words of many in life! Many look at things in life and set a standard judgement of wrongs and rights based on only their very own perspective and then they tend to demand others to oblige to their sets of rights and wrongs! Now if you understand the statement well, do you think is it right?

Who sets what is right & what is wrong anyway? Any guesses? 

Well it is the society, culture and our very own values actually, these factors in general sets a rule of rights and wrongs which we tend to incorporate as our very own standards or code of conducts, for instance; 

Malaysian’s generally don’t like tapping a person’s head to greet them but it may be a way of greeting somewhere else thus can we say it is wrong to tap a person’s head? Yes of course as long as we are in Malaysia, 

Secondly It may be wrong for you to place your slippers right at the centre of the entrance of a house in an Indian home due to their respect for the deity’s picture at the entrance but is it wrong to do in a Malay culture? No…

Now your parents may have taught you that it is wrong to have leftovers in your plate after a meal and an obedient you have been following it ever since being so can you say leaving leftover is wrong to any other person? No…

That’s just an example of standards of rights & wrong set by the Society, Culture & also values of a family, being so, if you tend to think about it, there can be nothing prudent as wrong and right, what can be done is that a general perception can be set as “an action unacceptable by a large group of individuals with a concrete reason to it is something wrong” and vice versa.

Being so many today has the attitude of judging another person’s actions as wrong based on their personal standards of right and wrong. It is an act of unfairness as the other person’s act would have been right to himself based on his personal standards of right & wrongs. It is not fair to judge him with a narrowed context of right or wrong of a third party….

The lesson to learn is that before judging on others we should have a neutral mind-set free from our very own standards of rights and wrongs and obliged to a wider perspective of it at a general context in prior to acting on another person’s action or else we would tend to judge with bias or it may be an act of hypocrisy whereas we ourselves may tend to make the very same wrongs.

Suren