Assisting many cases mainly adolescent’s teaches much points to ponder & share. Parenting today is challenging & unfortunately many of us are not aware of it. We are caught up by methods used by parents of ours whom were from a very varied generation or we tend to follow the classic parenting regardless of the current trend or we opt to be better parents by blending in our very own flavour of parenting in accordance of what we think best. But the question is “are we doing it right?”, if we are, its all well & good but then today we have a hike in adolescent’s related issues, crimes & social problems & the adolescents today themselves are facing much psychological distress result from parenting lapses.
Many parents today unknowingly carry out parenting with many shortcomings & these lapses are the reasons for youngsters getting off track from what they can become. Parenting lapses today can be associated with mental beliefs & practices of parents in their child upbringing. A few of such lapses are as follows;
I have faced many difficulties in my childhood; I don’t want my children to face the same
The above idea is a fair thought among parents; of course any parent will not want their child to go through any difficulties. Fair enough, but when a child is not allowed to go through some hardship it results them to take life for granted, they tend to grow up not knowing of what is hardship throughout their growing process & they are forced to face the hard reality that life is not that easy after all when they are on their own, by this time if their coping skills isn’t sufficient they tend to burn out or break down due to their inability to accept and deal with hardship. Too much comfort cripples children from being strong at times which are hard. No parent can assure a good time forever for their kids
My child doesn't need to know the difficulties I face
When a child is not made to understand on what are the difficulties faced by parents in order to bring food to the table, they tend to develop a mind-set that eventually food will be on the table resulting them to again take life for granted. They will never understand that someday it will be their turn to work hard to make ends meet. Growing in such environment shall cause them to be shocked when they are have to take up the responsibility. Children of such upbringing will have issues with commitment, responsibility & leadership & at the worst case scenario they would tend to grow up towards manipulating others to ride on them
For all I do for my kids they will love me & obey me
- As a parent, if you practice “providing your children with all they want i.e. luxuries, comforts & service with the hope by doing so you shall be loved & appreciated, you are actually changing your role from a parent to a “Provider” the love & appreciation you will be gaining through this lasts only until you are functional as a “provider” the moment you can’t provide you may not be seen as a parent but rather a failed provider. Expecting children to love, appreciate & obey in return for candies & provision of comfort is a dangerous investment which may not assure any returns as we are dealing with a soul. All efforts which shape them towards being a better person shall assure you the love, appreciation & respect as a parent compared to being a “provider” merely
My Child is good, others are spoiling them
As a parent at times we can’t run away from being biased over our own kids. We often ought to perceive that our child is not so bad after all & they wouldn't have done mistakes so bad etc. The mind-set of: if it’s wrong it’s not done by our kids or others are the fault for our kid miss behavior should be countered by reality. The reality is that : if it’s a mistake, it will be a mistake even if it’s done by our child & they should be educated & taught to take responsibility over their misbehavior. Protecting or defending them over their misbehavior is simply an act of affirmation of their wrongdoings which shall assure of more of it to come in the future
I am busy with work; as long as all needs for my kids are there they will be fine
Many parents today have this mental fixation to just provide the needs for their kids & by providing all the basic physical needs for their kids they fix a mental deal stating “I provide you with all you need & wanting’s and in return all you need to do is to study, behave & make me proud”. Well the deal sounds right but it’s not workable as parenting isn’t business to be specific as such. It involves needs which are beyond physical. There is a psychological need from the children which requires parents to sit by them, talk to them, share their views, feelings and ideas, affirm their success, pat them on the back, or even simply say “it’s okay”at their failures and encourage them to try again. Aspects such as bonding, understanding and communicating are the key factors which affirm the psychological needs of children. Those needs can’t be satisfied by providing physical needs, posh & luxuries. In a child’s perspective, a parent’s absence can be so hurtful & impactful and their mere presence can be so helpful & affirming of their life & inculcate values
Over all, the above said point’s boils down to two cores which are 1. Parenting culture & parent’s attitude is crucial in preventing their children from developing an attitude of taking life for granted and 2.Parents should be functional in supporting and affirming children through their psychological development. These are the lapses and mistake done by parents today whom is not to be fully blamed as the world today functioning at the rate of good values becoming weird and bad values becoming common. Thus it’s up to a parent to understand parenting comprehensively & take up efforts towards parenting with bearing in mind on what is the outcome they want from their children’s upbringing
If parents tend to condition their children in accordance to the ill ways things are nothing will ever change, for instance, if parents gave a special regards for fast food as something great, children will eventually have the same regard towards fast food & eating healthy will remain a un attractive, reverse conditioning can be done by giving positive regards for healthy food and preference for unhealthy food shall be of least. Eventually the desired shall be an outcome
Children are clay's in the hand of the parents, what would be the outcome from the clay shall be determined purely by the hands holding the clay ………….
Suren
